Wednesday, 20 December 2006

"Home James, and don't spare the horses"

Spent the first day back in Lancashire. It's been beautiful - a clear blue summer's day next to the sea. Have met up with old friends, played a few games of snooker at the Lytham Yacht Club, been out for dinner, had a few drinks and generally done a few pre-crimbo jobs.

It's mint up here, all that clear blue sky and healthy air. Even saw a fucking London black cab driving down the road. Had an automatic reflex to hail it and tell the driver to "go past a cash machine and a favoured take-away". Thank Christ I didn't because up here a take-away is generally some form of raw vegetable stolen from a field and the cash machine - well let's just say that it involves removing bartering material from a cow's arse manually. Lovely.

Going to see the titular head of the family tomorrow. Grandma. Everyone else of that generation has kicked the bucket and frankly she's a frightening woman. She still scary as hell now and I'm 30. I'm not being a beaver - she's got eyes like superman and tongue that leaves scars if she hears anything out of line. I bought her a "black mamba double-headed love length" for her christmas present. A change to something more useful is probably in order to reduce the potential for getting Narg's botty whipped.