Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Saturday, 3 November 2007
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Monkey/arse/firework warning
Really not sure what this sign is supposed to mean. It's from a zoo (fairly obvious) but apparently it's warning of the dangers of setting off fireworks igniting the arses of the housed monkeys (not so obvious).
Click for full-size photo.
The monkey really doesn't look happy either.
Click for full-size photo.
The monkey really doesn't look happy either.
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Sunday, 30 September 2007
Who's looking for what.
Was looking through my web statistics for the blog and came across a few highly amusing search engine phrases that people have arrived at the blog through:
"chris's friction burn"
- I do have a friend called Chris, but I've not given him a friction burn. He's not that sort of friend.
"dogs crampons"
- Is that animal cruelty? Or is it making sure you're dog's acclimatizing to altitude properly. Whichever way it's very very weird.
"snowboards as shelves"
- A nice idea, albeit expensive. I can't see Ikea introducing this for the 07/08 range.
"people looking at dead whale"
- I've got to say, I do prefer hobbies with more exercise.
"1970's tennis headbands"
- A beautiful look, now and then.
"rum punch made in london"
- It might be best just to refer you to someone based in London with extended culinary experience to be honest.
"once more again with feeling"
- Well quite.
"chris's friction burn"
- I do have a friend called Chris, but I've not given him a friction burn. He's not that sort of friend.
"dogs crampons"
- Is that animal cruelty? Or is it making sure you're dog's acclimatizing to altitude properly. Whichever way it's very very weird.
"snowboards as shelves"
- A nice idea, albeit expensive. I can't see Ikea introducing this for the 07/08 range.
"people looking at dead whale"
- I've got to say, I do prefer hobbies with more exercise.
"1970's tennis headbands"
- A beautiful look, now and then.
"rum punch made in london"
- It might be best just to refer you to someone based in London with extended culinary experience to be honest.
"once more again with feeling"
- Well quite.
Friday, 28 September 2007
Sixty-beer binge leads to four-week hangover
This came into my blog feed this morning:
IT may be the longest hangover in the history of binge beer drinking.
When a 37-year old man walked into a hospital emergency room in Glasgow, Scotland last October complaining of "wavy" vision and a non-stop headache that had lasted four weeks, doctors were at first stumped, the British journal The Lancet reported today.
The unnamed patient "had no history of head injury or loss of consciousness; his past medical record was unremarkable, and he was taking no medications," Zia Carrim and two other physicians from Southern General Hospital said in a case report.
Body temperature and blood pressure were both normal, and a neurological exam scanned negative.
But when an eye specialist was called in, the fog began to clear, at least for the doctors.
The patient, said the ophthalmologist, had swollen optical discs, greatly enlarged blind spots and what eye doctors call "flame haemorrhages," or bleeding nerve fibres.
"We sought a more detailed history" from the patient, noted one named Zia.
This is when the man revealed he had consumed 60 pints - roughly 35 litres - of beer over a four day period, following a domestic crisis.
Doctors believe severe dehydration, caused by the alcohol, led to a rare condition called cerebral venous sinus thrombosis (CVST). A scan of the brain's blood vessels confirmed the diagnosis.
CVST - which can cause seizures, impaired consciousness, loss of vision and neurological damage - strikes three or four people per million, mainly children, every year in Britain. The cause is generally unknown.
It took more than six months of long-term blood-thinning treatment to restore the man's normal vision - and to get rid of the headache, the doctors reported.
IT may be the longest hangover in the history of binge beer drinking.
When a 37-year old man walked into a hospital emergency room in Glasgow, Scotland last October complaining of "wavy" vision and a non-stop headache that had lasted four weeks, doctors were at first stumped, the British journal The Lancet reported today.
The unnamed patient "had no history of head injury or loss of consciousness; his past medical record was unremarkable, and he was taking no medications," Zia Carrim and two other physicians from Southern General Hospital said in a case report.
Body temperature and blood pressure were both normal, and a neurological exam scanned negative.
But when an eye specialist was called in, the fog began to clear, at least for the doctors.
The patient, said the ophthalmologist, had swollen optical discs, greatly enlarged blind spots and what eye doctors call "flame haemorrhages," or bleeding nerve fibres.
"We sought a more detailed history" from the patient, noted one named Zia.
This is when the man revealed he had consumed 60 pints - roughly 35 litres - of beer over a four day period, following a domestic crisis.
Doctors believe severe dehydration, caused by the alcohol, led to a rare condition called cerebral venous sinus thrombosis (CVST). A scan of the brain's blood vessels confirmed the diagnosis.
CVST - which can cause seizures, impaired consciousness, loss of vision and neurological damage - strikes three or four people per million, mainly children, every year in Britain. The cause is generally unknown.
It took more than six months of long-term blood-thinning treatment to restore the man's normal vision - and to get rid of the headache, the doctors reported.
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Amusing little story
Feeling better this morning. Been out and had a run and just about to have a bath at home and crack on with work again. It's pretty cold here and last night's rain prompting a fresh snowy offering on the tops of the mountains.
Was just catching up with my RSS feeds and came across this light-hearted little anecdote in an interview with Josh Lewsey, an England rugby player who played in the last World Cup and collected a winner's medal.
What is the funniest thing you have heard while playing for England? (Tom Pick, 15, Banbury)
It was probably during the 2003 World Cup final. The referee, Andre Watson, said: "I won't give a penalty at a scrum unless I can put my mortgage on it." After the fifth penalty against us, our hooker Steve Thompson turned round to Watson and said: "You must have a s*** house!"
Was just catching up with my RSS feeds and came across this light-hearted little anecdote in an interview with Josh Lewsey, an England rugby player who played in the last World Cup and collected a winner's medal.
What is the funniest thing you have heard while playing for England? (Tom Pick, 15, Banbury)
It was probably during the 2003 World Cup final. The referee, Andre Watson, said: "I won't give a penalty at a scrum unless I can put my mortgage on it." After the fifth penalty against us, our hooker Steve Thompson turned round to Watson and said: "You must have a s*** house!"
Saturday, 15 September 2007
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Elevated Terror Threats
More email spam from this morning:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran
out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher
levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran
out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher
levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Funny Dilbert
Image © Scott Adams
Original post: Dilbert Blog
I saw this on the blog written by Scott Adams - the writer and artist of the Dilbert comic strip (Wikipedia)and it made it me laugh. Thought I'd plaster it on here so you all can have a giggle too. Weirdly I don't actually read hardly any Dilbert, but I read the blog.
Gun to my head I'd have to say my favourite comic strip is Calvin and Hobbes (daily strip). Just too funny for words. Depending on how you look at it, fortunately or unfortunately the creator Bill Watterson didn't allow anyone merchandising rights to the characters and artwork and so the Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt I've always wanted and never found is going to have to be a dodgy bootleg one. So if you see one when you're out and about, my size is medium or large. Thanks!
Image © Bill Watterson
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
Hyphenated surnames that should never have been
Found these in one of my RSS feeds today and it really made me laugh. I mean hyphenated surnames are, well, hyphenated. That's pretty much as far as my enthusiasm goes with them. It's just that I just get a vision of a footballer and a page 3 girl getting hitched. Weird innit.
I think it just proves that you can find anything on the interweb. Get ready for them:
I think it just proves that you can find anything on the interweb. Get ready for them:
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